How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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