I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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