Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
