Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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