Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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