he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
