I bet he comes in French.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
