No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
