Kiss
Puke
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
