i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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