Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
