Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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