Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
