I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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