If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize