I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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