You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
