Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
