he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
