Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
