I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
