im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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