Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize