yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
