I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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