Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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