I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
