I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
