ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
