You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize