Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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