Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
