We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
