Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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