She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
