drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
COCAINE IS GR8
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
