and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
