my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
