He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
