God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
