Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i think i just lost a toe
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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