Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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