how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
