omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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