She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
