I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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