I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
