used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize