So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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