I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
