my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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