Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Terrible idea I love it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
