Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
