He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
