I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
