My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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