She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
