It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
