why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
