he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
