The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it because I queefed?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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