great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
