Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
