I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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