Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
